CHAPTER 121 - THE RETURN OF THE WATCHER

MARCH 24, 2009

MONDAY

8:00PM

For a Monday, the day had gone fast. It was snowing again in Julian and Buffy, being in a great mood from the weekend, had let her class have some extra time outside. There was a big hill in the back of the school and the school had purchased sleds and disks for the students years ago for winter fun. It was part of the 'whole child' concept of Montessori, which had appealed to Buffy. She decided that she could get out there with them and use sledding as an opportunity to do a bit of physics and math lessons in regards to wind resistance, gravity, etc. She had talked William into coming over and joining the fun, although he had to make up the extra hour at the end of the day, or lose the pay.

For a school day, they had all had a blast, though Buffy had to keep in check her impulse to have sexy Snowman Spike fun with William, but that didn't stop them from riding down the hill on the sled, snuggled against each other a few times.

They had just finished a late dinner, when the phone rang.

"Hi Buffy, it's Dawn."

"Hi Dawn. Guess what? It's snowing like crazy here?"

"It is? I'm jealous. Just a boring 70 degrees where I'm at."

Buffy told Dawn about her day of snow fun and they also talked about their weekend.

Finally, Dawn got to the reason behind her call.

"Buffy, I have something to tell you. Are you alone?"

"No, but I can be. What is it?" she asked, worried at hearing Dawn's tone.

"I'll wait until you're out of William's range," Dawn said.

Buffy got up and took a couple of things to the kitchen so she could talk privately.

"I'm alone now, go ahead."

Dawn took a deep breath, "I heard from Giles, Buffy."

Buffy paused, "I see. When?"

"Last week."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry about it over the weekend."

"Why would I worry?" she asked, starting to.

"Because he said he's coming to California next week and he wants to see you. He said he wants to see both of us, but I think it's you that he wants to see, really."

Buffy was quiet for a minute. Finally she asked, "Why didn't he call me, then?"

"He told Willow about his trip and that he wanted to get in touch with us. She called me last week and asked what she should do, so I told her that she could give him my phone number. I didn't want to give him yours. I just wanted to hear what he had to say before I told you. I know that you haven't talked to him in a long time..."

"No. I haven't. Dawn, do you think he knows?"

"About William?"

"Uh-huh."

"I don't think so. If he does, he didn't let on. He just said that he'd been thinking about us for a long time and that he'd really like to see us again. He said he'd been thinking about some things that he'd like to talk to you about in person."

"What sort of things?" Buffy said, her stomach clenching hard.

"Honestly, I don't know Buffy. All I know is that he did say that his visit wasn't apocalpse-y related or anything like that, so you don't have to worry about that then, Buffy."

"I'm not worried. Even if it was, I'm not the slayer anymore," she whispered.

I am a teacher, not the slayer, she said to herself, looking out to the living room where William was sitting, with his back to her at the desk, writing something.

"I know Buffy. He knows that, too."

"Good, he'd better. I fought 7 apocalypses in as many years and died twice," she hissed into the phone, "I'm not, I repeat not, putting my slayer hat back on! No way, no fucking way am I going to..." she said, angrily defending her life, her choices, and at the same time, feeling a sense of guilt at having turned her back on her calling, even though there were hundreds, possibly thousands to take her place now.

"Buffy! Chill! He's not asking you to. Really, I think he just wants to...to connect again. See how you're doing and all that."

Buffy snorted, "Yeah? Why now? Why after all this time? You don't think this visit of his has anything to do with Spike? About William?" Buffy asked, angry tears stinging her eyes.

"Buffy, I really don't think he knows about Spike and the Shanshu thing. How could he? Unless Willow told him, and I'm sure she didn't. I don't see why you have to mention William at all, if you don't want to."

"He could’ve found out. He probably found out," Buffy said, miserably.

"How?"

"I don’t know...watcher stuff, council stuff."

"Well, it’s not like he has all the old texts that the old council had, it all got destroyed, remember."

Buffy was quiet for a moment, trying to think of how he could have found out.

"Buffy?"

"He plotted to kill him, Dawn," she whispered, as the pain of Giles’ betrayal refreshed itself in her memory, as if it had been yesterday. "And what if he'd succeeded? Oh God!" she said, realizing the implications.

"I dunno, maybe Angel would've worn the amulet, er...which would've been bad. Bad, bad, bad!" Dawn said, wishing she'd have bitten her tongue off. "Guess that's hardly the point. We'd probably all be dead, and you wouldn't be engaged to William right now. But you are, Buffy! He's here and he's safe and that's not going to change just because Giles wants to see you."

"And remember, that was when Spike was being triggered...not that Giles was right at all to do that! I'm really sorry Buffy. Why don't I just call him and tell him that you're busy or you're going to be out of town, or that you just don't want to meet with him. You don't have to, you know. You can just say no."

Dawn was so glad that she hadn't told Buffy this over the weekend. Her reaction had been worse than she'd imagined it might be.

"I know," Buffy said. "When?"

"Huh?"

"When is he coming?"

"Next weekend."

"I'll let you know. I can't talk about this anymore right now," Buffy said and hung up.

She turned to the sink and poured herself a glass of water, and put the glass up to her forehead and on her face before pouring it out.

Buffy heard William coming and quickly wiped at her eyes and face, before turning to face him.

"What did Dawn want?" he asked.

"Oh, just talking about the fun time we had this weekend, that kind of stuff," she said.

He looked at her sort of funny and she followed his gaze, and saw that she'd been clenching and unclenching her hands as she'd been standing there. She stopped and forced herself to hold her hands still.

"Is there something wrong?" William asked her.

"No, everything’s just fine," she said, going to him and burying her face in his neck, as she held onto him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy lay in bed tossing and turning most the night, trying not to disturb William's sleep. The little while that she had managed to fall asleep, she'd awoken to find William shaking her and looking at her worriedly.

"I'm here, luv. Wake up," he'd said when she opened her eyes, heart pounding in fear. "Everything's okay. Just having a nightmare, you were."

She didn't say anything, just let him hold her.

"Want to talk about it?" he'd asked.

She was going to lie and tell him that she didn't remember, but instead, just shook her head.

Problem was she remembered all too well. In her nightmare she saw Wood dusting Spike in front of her, while Giles held her back, saw Spike engulfed in flames from the amulet, while she stood there helpless to save him, or worse still, leaving him there to die alone. Another nightmare saw Giles plunging a stake into William’s heart, while Angel stood there watching, a smug expression on his face.

"I understand. 'S okay, luv," he'd said, stroking her hair. "Jus' remember, it's only a nightmare, alright? I got you, Elizabeth; not going anywhere, 'cept right here beside you."

After that she couldn't go back to sleep, but pretended to be, so at least William would rest, thinking she was. Finally when she knew that William was sleeping soundly, she crept out of bed, grabbing her robe and cell phone.

She made herself a cup of tea and went out to the back porch, shivering as the cold air hit her.

"Hello," said the voice on the other end.

"Willow?"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me. What the hell is going on?"

"Hello to you, too, Buffy!"

"Shit, I’m sorry. Let me start again. Hi Will, how are you?"

"Um...fine, what’s wrong. Jeez, what time is it there?"

"Early. I couldn’t sleep. Dawn just told me about Giles last night, about him coming next weekend. What's up with that Willow? Why's he coming? And now?"

"He doesn’t know, Buffy," Willow said, guessing the reason for the call, "at least I never told him and I don’t think he would have had any way to find out. I think that he's been missing you and Dawn for a long time now. He just wanted to give you the space that you wanted. Lately, ever since the holidays, he's been asking about you guys. He finally just came right out and asked for your number, so I acted like I had to try to find it and then gave him Dawn’s. I thought that was best, in case you didn’t want to talk to him..."

"I don’t know, Willow," Buffy said, shivering in the cold air of the back porch, despite the tea she was sipping.

"But there is another reason that he's coming..."

"What is it?" Buffy said, shivering for reasons not related to the cold.

"I do know that he’s recently become aware of the dig that went on in Sunnydale. He mentioned that one of the new watchers in California had sent him a link to an article. Maybe it's the same article that you first saw on campus."

"Then he probably saw the picture of the amulet, too, if he realizes that’s what it was," Buffy said, "did he mention how long ago it was that he’d seen it?"

"He only just mentioned it last week, that's why I don't think he knew about it before. That's why he’s going; he said he wanted to investigate it himself. I felt like telling him there wasn't any point to that now, but I couldn't very well say that, without giving something away now, could I?"

Buffy let out a breath, "No, you couldn't. Thank you," she said, realizing that Willow was letting Giles make a Trans-Atlantic trip, all because she didn't rat out her and William. It humbled her.

"I owe you," Buffy said.

"Oh, big time," Willow said, grinning on her end.

"Big time," Buffy agreed.

"So, you think you'll see him, then?"

"I don't know. I really don't know if I want to see him or not."

"I see," Willow said.

"You think I should meet with him?"

"I don’t know, Buffy. That’s up to you. All I can tell you is that he seemed sincere that he wanted to see you and Dawn and that he missed you guys. I don't think that has anything to do with the other business at hand, either."

Buffy didn't say anything.

"How's William, by the way? Dawn said you guys were going to San Juan Capistrano for the return of the Swallows last weekend."

"Yeah, we did, though we got there two days after the swallows arrived, but they were still all over the place. It was really nice."

"Neat. It's nice that you guys are all spending time together."

"Yeah, it is. I like John. So does William. So does Dawn, for that matter; duh!" Buffy laughed.

"Hey, me, too. It's unanimous!" Willow said.

They laughed at each other's lameness and Buffy felt better.

"By the way, Willow, I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"William and I are engaged."

"Engaged? You are? Wow! Buffy, I’m so happy for you guys! Really? When?"

"Yeah, really. I’m happy for us, too. When? I’m thinking next Valentine’s Day. That’s when he proposed...or should I say proposed again, but this time I accepted. It was also Valentine’s Day the first time he brought me up here."

"Aww! That’s so sweet!" Willow said.

"What’s sweet?" Buffy heard Kennedy ask in the background.

"William and Buffy are engaged!"

"Tell her I said congratulations!" Kennedy yelled.

"Did you hear that, Buffy?"

"Tell Kennedy I said thanks."

"I got to go Willow. Actually, I have to go and ‘get up’ now for work."

"Bummer."

"Thanks, I feel a bit better now."

"You’re welcome, and don’t worry about Giles, okay?"

"I'll try not to. Have a good evening, Willow."

"And you have a good day, okay?"

"Thanks. Bye."

"Bye, Buffy."

Buffy gratefully came in from the back porch and took another sip of her now lukewarm tea. She shivered, then decided to go and lay back down until it was time to get up in another half-hour.

She took off her robe and got into bed, snuggling up to William. His arm automatically went around her and drew her in close. Sighing, she put her head on his chest and her arm around his neck and dozed off until their alarm went off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MARCH 29, 2009

SATURDAY

1:00PM

William looked at Elizabeth as they drove towards Los Angeles. All week long, ever since the phone call she’d received Monday evening from Dawn, she’d been acting distracted, Yet, whenever she’d catch him studying her, she’d put on like there was nothing the matter, but William knew better. She’d seemed so happy to him, since they’d gotten engaged. Not that she wasn’t before, but happy in a different way, like something had been settled for her. The feeling had been contagious and William had been cherishing their closeness even more so, if that was possible.

Then the trip, their first trip as an engaged man and woman, had added yet another dimension to it. And they’d still been having that post-weekend, post-vacation sort of feeling all day Monday...until she got the phone call.

A couple of days later, she’d told him that her and Dawn planned on going shopping to get some ideas for the wedding, yet something didn’t ring true when she’d said it, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Perhaps she should have been more excited. He wasn’t sure, himself never having been involved firsthand with plans for a wedding. Or at all, for that matter.

All he knew is that John and he were most definitely excluded from the girl’s plans for the day. Truth be told, he was looking forward to seeing a couple of British soccer matches on cable that John promised him.

He looked at her again, and she smiled when she sensed him, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

Buffy parked the car across the street from Aye Carumba!, the cafe where they were meeting Giles.

"Here we are," Buffy said.

"Here we are," Dawn echoed.

They got out of the car and walked across the street to the cafe. Dawn looked in the window but couldn’t see him.

They checked with the maitre ‘d and were told that their party was waiting for them. They were pointed toward the rear of the dining room.

"There he is," Dawn said, as she spotted him, her voice betraying her excitement, despite Buffy’s reservations, "there’s Giles!"

Giles looked over and there they were. His girls. He stood up as they came towards his table, "Buffy, Dawn!" he said, smiling.

"Giles!" Dawn squealed, unable to help herself. She flung herself into his arms and he hugged her back.

"Let me look at you," Giles said, holding her back at arms length, "Dawn, my goodness...I knew you must have changed in all this time, but I never expected to see such a beautiful young woman," he said, marveling at her.

Dawn smiled ear to ear.

Giles then turned his head, "Buffy," he said, smiling almost tentatively at her, "you look most splendid, as well." He was truly heartened to see that she looked quite healthy, since last he’d seen her she’d looked way too thin, way too haggard for her age. Of course, that had come with the territory, the price she’d had to pay, amongst others.

"Hello, Giles," she said, then she was hugging him, too, a lump in her throat.

They broke the embrace, Dawn the only one not the slightest bit uncomfortable, and Giles motioned them to have a seat.

"How have you been?" he asked them.

"Good," they both answered.

"What about you, Giles? How’s the council coming?" asked Dawn.

Giles talked about how he’d been rebuilding the council for the past five years, how the new slayers had been located, and about how their training was proceeding.

"You have new watchers, then?" Dawn asked.

"Quite a few, though still not as many as I would like. Actually, many of them were from the new slayers. Some of them just showed an aptitude more compatible with being a watcher, rather than a slayer. There are actually more female watchers, than male ones now. It’s been quite difficult to find qualified male watchers," Giles said.

Dawn then talked about her studies and about John.

"My offer still holds, Dawn. If you’re ever interested in coming to London, your research skills, and now your knowledge in archeology would come in terribly handy. Actually, even here, they could be put to use."

"Well, I’m still an undergraduate, Giles, so I don’t know how much knowledge you think I have, but once I’ve graduated, I’ll think about it."

Buffy glared at her.

"Excellent," Giles said, not noticing.

"And what of you, Buffy? Last time you emailed me, you were in college. Tell me, did you finish?"

"Of course," she said, bristling. "Why wouldn’t I have finished?"

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you wouldn’t have," Giles said, taking off his glasses for a good old-fashioned, familiar, watcher cleaning.

Buffy took a drink of her iced tea, as she regarded him. He looked almost the same as she remembered, but with a little more gray, a few wrinkles she didn’t recall.

"I finished my degree almost 2 years ago and have been working as an elementary teacher almost as long."

"That’s great, Buffy. I’m happy for you," he said, smiling. "What age do you teach?"

"It’s a mixed age class. Mostly 11 and 12 year olds."

"Ah...good age. Bit difficult, too, wouldn’t you say?"

Buffy smiled for the first time, "A bit. They’re starting to get hormonal, but they’re all good kids. I’m lucky."

They talked for a while longer, then as agreed upon earlier, Dawn said she had some things to do, so that Buffy had some time alone with Giles.

"There’s a park across the street, in case they kick you guys out for loitering," Dawn said, "why don’t I plan on meeting you there in an hour or so?"

Buffy nodded, "I’ll call you if there’s a change of plans. Giles, is that alright with you?"

Giles nodded, "Quite alright."

"Okay, have a nice visit," Dawn said, and kissed them each good-bye.

Buffy and Giles each stirred their coffees, with interest, avoiding eye contact. Finally Giles spoke, "So..."

"So..."

"It’s been a long time, Buffy."

Buffy nodded, "It has," she said, daring to look up.

"How have you been? Really?"

"Really?" Buffy said, not mocking, just warring emotions.

"Buffy? What’s wrong?"

"Actually, Giles, nothing is wrong. I’ll give you the short version, if that’s okay. Won’t even take an hour. I was a damned mess for a long time, although I kept busy, worked, went to school, lived, yada, yada. Then...let’s just say I’m fine now. Really fine. I’m happy, maybe for the first time in my life, or at least since I was a little girl, I’m happy," she said, a hint of defiance in her voice, daring him to challenge that in any way.

"You are? I’m terribly glad for you, Buffy. That’s all I ever wanted for you, is to be happy. You know that, don’t you?" he asked, confused by her standoffishness.

She shook her head, "No, I don’t know that Giles. I used to think that’s what you wanted, but then you...let’s just say, I haven’t believed that blindly in what you say you want for me in a very long time. And what’s with the contradictory way you speak, anyway? I never did understand that."

"What ever do you mean, Buffy?" Giles asked, now on the defensive.

"Terribly glad! That’s a contradiction, isn’t it? How can you be terribly glad? Wonderfully glad, quite glad, terribly sad, terribly disappointed...those I could buy, those I can understand, but terribly glad just sounds like you’re not really."

"And you sound quite a bit like Anya right now," he countered, "always picking things apart, always...God rest her soul."

The fight went out of Buffy and she nodded.

"Why did you come here Giles?"

"Believe it or not, Buffy, I missed you and Dawn, terribly. I mean very much," he said, smiling.

"Why now?"

"What do you say, we go take a walk over to that park that Dawn mentioned."

Buffy nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They walked around the park a bit, until they came to a bench up on a small hill, overlooking a toddler’s playground and a bike path.

"Buffy, I want you to know that there’s hardly been a day that’s gone by in the past five years that I haven’t thought of you and Dawn; of all of you, for that matter. When you stopped answering my emails, I figured that you were getting on with your life and that you didn’t want to hear from me anymore. And I understood that and accepted that. You paid the highest price that anyone could have and you deserved to have your life back, to make of it what you wanted."

Buffy looked at Giles, tears starting to come to her eyes.

"You were the best, Buffy, and I don’t just mean the best slayer. You were all that I ever could have hoped for, as if you’d been my own daughter...and I want you to know that you never let me down, although I fear that you can’t say the same for me."

"Giles..."

"No, let me finish, before you say anything. I think I made many more grievous mistakes than you ever could have. I’ve always regretted my decision to leave Sunnydale when I did, after you...after they brought you back. Had I been there, very likely I may have been able to lighten your load considerably, then maybe Willow wouldn’t have done what she did, you wouldn’t have needed to turn to Spike..."

"Don’t Giles. What’s done is done. Besides, if Willow hadn’t done that, then she wouldn’t have ever known how to harness her power, which meant she probably wouldn’t have been able to turn all the potentials into slayers when we fought The First. I needed all that additional slayer power, believe me. As for Spike, I have regrets, but not what you imagine they are, not that I got involved with him."

She looked over at the playground to where a mom was holding onto a small child as it went down the slide, as she thought how one thing had led to another. From her and Spike’s mutually damaging affair, to him getting his soul back. From his part in closing the Hellmouth, to the present day. All the connecting threads.

"And if it wasn’t for Spike...even with all the additional slayers, there was no way to kill thousands and thousands of ubervamps."

Buffy turned to Giles, "Do you remember after...after it was all over, you asked me how he did it, if it had been the amulet; if it gave him power, if he activated it?"

"Yes, I do Buffy. I also remember that you didn’t answer my questions," he smiled gently at her; "I understand your refusal now."

"You do?" Buffy asked.

"I think so. You didn’t answer me because at the time, I was only interested in the whys and what fors, rather than the fact that he’d done something quite remarkable. Something, which I admit, I never thought Spike capable of. When I asked you, it wasn’t out of regards to the depths of your feelings for him or his for you, I asked as a watcher, not a friend, and wisely, you refused to answer me."

Buffy nodded slowly; stunned by his admission.

"Believe it or not, I’ve thought about Spike many, many times over the past years. Times I was taking a stroll in the garden at home, with the warmth of the sun on my face and suddenly I was brought up short, to think that I have him to thank for those small, but precious things. Whether it was for the love of you, or for the greater good, he’s the one who made sure that the tide stayed turned and the fact remains, there is still a world worth fighting for because of Spike. Spike; of all the people..."

"Yes, Giles! Spike, of all people!"

"Sorry, Buffy. I meant no offence, I..."

"But it is offensive, Giles. He was a good man, he...for Christ’s sake, he went and got a soul on his own, which is something you never seemed to think was in any way remarkable. Like vamps did that all the time."

"I did, Buffy, it’s just that when I found out, it was also the same time I found out that he’d been killing again while being controlled by The First. Sort of took a backseat to the other, wouldn’t you agree?"

Buffy didn’t answer.

"Buffy, I always knew that Spike was an exceptional vampire, which is why I asked him a long time ago, after he got the chip, if he didn’t consider that maybe it had been providence, that perhaps The PowersThat Be had a special purpose for him."

"What did he say?" Buffy asked, never having heard this before.

"Probably something along the lines of, ‘Sod that!’ I should think."

Buffy giggled, and so did Giles.

"However," Giles said, sobering up, "it was because of who he was, and let’s not forget he killed two slayers, that I always held him at as much distance as I could. That and he could be so bloody annoying," he said, with a small smile, "I never wanted to get too comfortable with him and forget what he was, who he was; which is why I feared for you."

"He loved me Giles, he would’ve never hurt me. He tried, he couldn’t."

"No, but he was still capable of killing others, and if he had done that to those under your care, you would’ve had no choice but to have killed him. Even if he meant more to you than they did. Otherwise, you’d have lost any authority that you’d been trying to exert. As it was, your relationship with him made it harder for you."

"No, Giles, you’re wrong. My relationship with him is the only thing that got me through it, when everyone else doubted my motivations, my experience, my instinct, Spike was the only one who never did. And it wasn’t just that he loved me so blindly, it was that he saw it, too. If not, he would’ve told me. He would’ve gone along, but he would certainly have told me if he thought I was wrong, or if I was endangering myself or the others."

"Buffy, I want you to know how sorry I am that I plotted with Wood to kill Spike. I was wrong to go behind your back like that."

"Yes, you were Giles," Buffy said, "you tried to take away from me the only person who..."

"Who you felt had your back?"

"Who loved and believed in me unconditionally."

Giles cleared his throat, "I’m sorry you felt that way Buffy, sorry that we didn’t trust you when we should have. May I ask a personal question? You said you were happy with your life now, are you involved with someone?"

Buffy nodded, "Very, very much so."

"I thought as much. I have a little confession to make. Willow and Kennedy gave me a Christmas gift before they left for the states in December, and when I opened it, a note that Kennedy had written to Willow had gotten stuck to the box. It mentioned you and someone named William, and a gift they had ordered for him. Also, that Willow was coming to see you, Dawn, and William. A surprise, I gathered. Um...I also took it from the note that you saw her this summer."

Buffy nodded, "Yes, she spent some time with us."

"Willow doesn’t know that I know this. I’ve tried to figure out why it was that she didn’t want me to know that she’d seen you and Dawn, but I figured there must have been a good reason."

Buffy didn’t volunteer, so Giles went on.

"If you’re quite happy now, you may not want to know why it is that I’ve come, it might upset you, at the very least, cause you some conflicting..."

"Out with it Giles, I’m already upset, if you hadn’t noticed."

"Um, yes, I did rather. Well, here, you need to see this," he said, pulling a copy of the article about Sunnydale from his pocket and handing it to her.

"That’s another thing, Buffy. I’ve just been made aware of this, but the article itself is almost 2 years old. It’s from July 1, 2007, so since that time, I don’t know what might have happened," he said, as she looked it over.

Sure enough, it was a copy of the same one she had seen, and along with it, was a picture of the amulet.

She skimmed over the article, then handed it back to him.

"Buffy, I don’t think you understand what it is you’re seeing, here on the right side."

"The amulet which Spike wore, yes I know," she said, deciding that it would require too much effort to pretend to be shocked, that and he was so close now to the truth, he just didn’t know it yet.

"You know?" he asked shocked.

Buffy nodded, "I saw this article last spring when I was on campus. Don’t try to bother finding Professor Lipton, he’s dead. Amulet is gone, too."

"What? How do you know this?"

Buffy suppressed an urge to laugh. And possibly to cry. Instead she looked at her watch, "I think we’re going to need a little more than an hour," she said, taking out her cell phone to call Dawn.

END CHAPTER 121

"To answer you question, I saw the article on campus back then tried to find Professor Lipton. I found out that he was in Egypt on a dig, so I emailed him and he emailed me back, agreeing to meet with me in Chicago when he returned. However, when Dawn and I got to Chicago and went to his apartment, his assistant said that he’d died in Egypt a few days before, from supposedly natural causes."

"What makes you say supposedly?"

"Because his apartment had been ransacked from top to bottom, a few days before we got there."

"And you think that and his death had something to do with the dig in Sunnydale?"

Buffy nodded, "Yes, I don’t think it, I know it, in my gut. Only the stuff he’d dug up wasn’t at his apartment anymore, it had been sent to The Field Museum in Chicago. His assistant told us that."

"Including the amulet?"

"Yes."

"And you saw it, then?"

"No, I never did see it, not exactly. When we went there, they couldn’t find anything under his name, not in his former office, not in the museum’s warehouse."

"I don’t understand then, how do you know it was there? That it hadn’t been stolen?" Giles asked, confused.

"Before we go on, I want to show you something," Buffy said, opening up her purse and taking out her wallet. She pulled out a photograph that John had taken of her, William, Dawn, and Willow all sitting on the couch on Christmas Eve.

She started to hand him the photo, then hesitated. She looked at the picture and hugged it to her chest, "Before I do, you must promise me something."

"What is it?"

"This is my life Giles, mine and William's. It's private, shared only with a few close people. It's not to be dissected, speculated upon, written about, or otherwise discussed with anyone, understood?"

"Of course, Buffy, why would you think...?"

"Promise me Giles, no matter what! This is 150% non-negotiable, believe me, and I will do what I have to, in order to keep it this way. Just so we understand each other."

Giles was now on full alert. Never before had Buffy spoke to him like that, so he knew it was both important, and likewise, he was being asked to set aside any interest in whatever she was about to share with other than personal. She was asking him to consider what she was about to tell him as a friend, nothing more, nothing less.

He looked at Buffy; "You have my solemn oath Buffy, as your friend. I shan’t break your confidence or your trust."

She slowly nodded, then taking one more look at the picture, she handed it to him; "It's from Christmas."

He took it from her and looked at it, "Ah, there's Willow, Dawn, you...is that William?" he asked, the man looking vaguely familiar to him.

Buffy didn't say anything and he kept looking. The man, William, had what seemed to be light to medium brown wavy hair, he was laughing, as he looked at Buffy, obviously fond of her. He could see the man had a chiseled looking face, high cheekbones, and a...

He jerked his head, looking over at Buffy suddenly, as realization dawned on him, "No! It can't be! It simply can't be! Is this...?" Giles sputtered, William, William, Spike’s given name. "My God, Buffy! How? This is Spike?"

Buffy nodded, "William," she corrected.

"How long?"

"Since last May. I didn't find him until June, and he's been back home with me since last July."

"Buffy, that’s...how? Nothing could have survived that devastation...how did Spike...?" Giles asked, dumbfounded.

"He didn’t survive it, Giles. He died."

"But clearly, he’s not..."

"He was, until last May when he Shanshu’d or whatever it’s called."

"Did you say Shanshu? You mean the prophecy?" Giles asked, racking his brain to remember what he’d read.

"That be the one."

"I’m only familiar with the name, Buffy. Please fill me in; ever since the council was destroyed, I don’t have all the old texts that I used to."

"According to Willow, the prophecy stated that a vampire with a soul would ‘shanshu’ once he completed his destiny, including trials, an apocalypse, various evils, yada, yada. And, when worn by a champion, the amulet was the instrument used not only to fight the evil, but to bring forth the shanshu five years later.

"He’s back," Giles whispered, hardly believing it, "that’s...I’m speechless, Buffy."

Giles looked at the picture again; "He looks so different," Giles mused, "I see he’s quit bleaching his hair, changed his clothes, too."

"Well, William has never bleached his hair, though he did get a haircut and we did have to change his style of clothes, seeing that I don’t even think they sell the kind he was used to wearing, anywhere other than at a period costume shop," Buffy said.

Giles looked at her, not fully comprehending, "What do you mean, he never...Spike never...William...William?"

Buffy nodded, "Yes, Giles, you’re looking at William, not Spike. Well, pre-Spike," she said, not without a bit of nostalgia, "he's human Giles, as human as you or I are."

"That’s...that’s remarkable, more than...I don’t think I have words. What does he say to all this? He must be terribly pleased with himself, I should think, insufferable, even," he said, chuckling, "I should love to talk to him..."

"No you can’t! And no, he’s neither terribly pleased with himself nor insufferable, Giles! You don’t get it! William has no memory of this, of any of it! He has no memory of ever having been Spike, though he knows that’s what he used to be called when we knew him in Sunnydale. But he doesn’t remember anything from the past 120 years, when I say he’s William, I don’t just mean that Spike has decided now that he’s human to go by his given name, I mean he is William! "

"When I found him, his only memories of his life were from 1880 and prior. Except for the past 8 months that we’ve been together, those still are his only real memories," she said, feeling guilty, "and he doesn’t believe those."

"What do you mean?"

Buffy took a deep breath and started telling him the whole story. From her slayer dream prior to finding Spike, to Angel’s involvement in trying to hurt William and kidnap him. From their rescue to their road trip, all the way up to the present day.

Giles listened while for the next hour, asking for clarification here and there, as Buffy told him most everything of what it had been like for William and for her since he’d been back. She left out the very personal stuff, yet still enough for him to know how it was between them.

"So, from not knowing what a car is, to driving one now...using a computer, going to school, working? How remarkable," Giles said, wishing he had a tape recorder on him, wishing he could record all the things that she’d told him.

"Yes, it is remarkable, he’s remarkable Giles," Buffy said, smiling, as she thought of William. "He’s warm and funny, sensitive and kind, smart, loving...have I left anything out?"

"No, Buffy, I do say you’ve..."

"Oh, did I tell you he’s a poet, too? And he writes. Writes all the time, both in his notebooks, but on the computer, too."

Giles smiled at Buffy, "Quite remarkable."

"This must be hard on you," she said, after considering him for a moment, "I know you, Giles. Know that, that brain of yours is just itching to put it all down, try to figure it all out, research it...but you can’t. You swore to me. William is a ‘real boy’ not a lab rat and I won’t allow him to be dissected for the sake of the future line of slayers or watchers or whatever. You promised."

"You’re right," Giles said, regarding her solemnly, "there is that part of me, which would like nothing better than to record this for posterity’s sake. However, I did promise you that I wouldn’t be involved in this in any way other than as your friend, and I intend to keep that promise. Unless you need me to be, that is."

"Thank you, I appreciate that...what do you mean, if I need you to be?"

"Well, I was just thinking, when you tell him about the past, then there might be issues that come up that I could help him with."

"I’m not going to tell him."

"You’re not going to..." Giles repeated, "ever?"

"At this point, no. I originally was going to, but now...How can I, Giles? It would tear him apart. Do you remember what I told you happened at the Grand Canyon, when he thought he was back at the Hellmouth? And that he had nightmares at first? Well, he hasn’t for a long time, and I think he’s just accepted our story about things, and he’s happy. He’s got a life, a good life. He loves me, Giles, he trusts me...I just can’t take that away from him."

"I think you’re wrong, Buffy. I don’t think that’s something that you can withhold forever from him. It goes to the very issue of his trust in you. Eventually, secrets have a way of coming out, and if it does, it could be worse for both of you, than how you think it would be, if you told him yourself."

"Then I’ll deal," Buffy said, growing irritated.

Giles ignored the tone and went on, "What if his memories come back all of a sudden, or over time? He’ll be left wondering why you didn’t tell him the truth."

Buffy shook her head, "No, he’ll know why, same reason that he doesn’t insist on knowing certain things now, the way he asks about things, but is happy to drop the subject before it gets too complicated. I don’t think he wants to know Giles. Would you, if you were William? Would you want to know that you’d been a demon, a vampire who caused the deaths of thousands of humans over 100+ years?"

"No, I should think you’re probably right, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing, anyway, no matter what you or he wish, the fact remains that you’re not just two normal people..."

"Yes Giles, we are. We’re as ‘bloody’ normal as baseball and apple freakin’ pie! I don’t fight demons anymore, I fight illiteracy! And William...he’s just William. Can’t you understand that? He’s just a man, a beautiful, sensitive, loving..."

"Buffy, let’s say that’s true, have you considered where the amulet came from and what that implies? There could be conditions you don’t even know about, there could be..."

"NO!" Buffy said, standing up and facing him. "There are NO conditions! He earned this, Giles. He damned well saved the world! That’s enough. Obviously, The Powers that Be thought he was worthy. But he doesn’t owe them anything else; doesn’t owe anything to anyone! His reward was to come back human. And he came back to me, after five, long years. He’s his own man, Giles. He’s my man, Giles," Buffy said, visibly upset.

"You’re right, Buffy," he said, standing up, "I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have upset you, I was just speculating, like you warned me against. I’m sure everything is just as you say it is."

"That’s right. It is," Buffy said, wiping at her eyes, as she turned to see Dawn walking towards them.

Because it just has to be, she told herself.

END CHAPTER 122