CHAPTER 71 – THEY DANCE THE DANCE OF THE DESPERATE

Buffy took the walkie-talkie, as William took the flashlight.

William put his arm around her, as he shone the light on the driveway back to the RV. They walked in, and she found the switch, except that it didn’t work.

"Crap!" she said. "It’s not plugged into anything!"

"Do they have some candles?"

"I don’t think so, but we have this."

"Okay. We won’t need any light for long anyway," he said, coming up and nuzzling her neck.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I’m fine. Why?" he asked, continuing to kiss her.

"I just thought you were upset back there, you know, after Angela’s grandma’s outburst," she said, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut.

"I was for a while, but Angela explained something to me," he said, as he deftly guided her toward the bedroom.

"What’s that?"

"Not important, tell you later," he said, as he pushed her down on the bed, and then lay down next to her.

"Just one question, though," he said, kissing her, distracting her.

"Why did you tell Xander and I suppose Dawn and Willow, too, about my false memories?" he asked, his voice a bit strained.

"What?" she asked, shocked.

He got up on one elbow and looked at her, "Angela told me that Xander had told her that I don’t remember the present, and that the only memories I did seem to have were of the 1800’s. Why did you tell them?"

Buffy turned on her side to face him, too, "Are you angry with me?" she asked.

"I don’t think so. Should I be?"

She shook her head.

"Just wanna know why, Elizabeth," he said, looking into her eyes.

"William," Buffy sighed, "I told them because, it explained why you don’t remember anything ‘modern,’ if you know what I mean. Isn’t it better that Xander just show you the things he’s showed you; about cars, motors, fishing, etc., rather than ask you each time, why you don’t remember anything?"

"S’ppose. Guess I never gave it much thought as to why he was being so kind in explaining it all to me. Guess if I was another guy, he’d probably think I was some kind of ‘slow minded bloke,’ eh?"

"Xander’s a good guy, anyway," Buffy said, tentatively reaching out to stroke his cheek. "As for Dawn and Willow, well, they were with me, as you know, when we all got you out of the hospital. Willow’s my best friend and Dawn’s my sister, and you…you were lost and then you were found. They helped me find you, William, and so I told them."

"So, that’s why they explain things to me, too? Why they sometimes let me prattle on about things that are so old? Things they’d have no ‘real’ memory of, not like I do. Like I seem to, anyway."

"It will work itself out, one day. Please don’t do this to yourself," she said to him, trying to push the ever present, although mostly ignored elephant in the middle of the room, back into a corner, out of the way.

"How?" he asked, after a long pause, in which he just played with hair and studied the contours of her face.

"How what, William?"

"How did…how did they help you find me?"

She inhaled, "Well, Willow, she…she saw an article in the paper about a man found at the museum, and it fit your description. She called me and let me know," Buffy answered, trying to make some of the truth, fit this partial lie.

William involuntarily shuddered at the memory of waking up alone, naked, terrified at The Field Museum, and everything that followed.

"What made her think it was me after all that time? Had you…been looking for me all those years?" he asked looking at her with something like sorrow etched on his face. "Had you tracked me to Chicago? Where was I before that?"

"I never forgot you! Not for a minute, William, not for a second," she said, kissing him softly, hoping that would be enough of an answer to his question. "I don’t know where you were before Chicago. Honestly, it was pure luck that I found you."

She looked at him, with his blue eyes begging her for answers, his love for her the only thing holding him in check, for she knew he feared what she might tell him, at least as much as he wanted the truth.

"No, I take that back!" she blurted out, "It wasn’t luck that led me to find you."

He looked at her, afraid, suddenly. He knew that he was something of a burden to her. Helpless. No memory. Not the kind of man he was raised to be, in any case. Almost kept, even if it is with his own money, so she tells him. Fed, clothed, loved. Why’s it feel so…shameful, then somehow? The not knowing? Luck? More than that. It was his salvation to be found, be saved, feel loved by her, Good luck for him, but for her, it was probably…

"It was…grace," she says softly to him in the dark, across mere inches, but across a chasm, whose edge he’d just stood on.

"Grace?" he repeats, the pools of his dark blue eyes widen in wonder at her words. He drinks in her words and smiles at her in the dark, "I think maybe I like that word. Grace."

"Dawn," she continued, "she came with me, when I found out. We went all around Chicago, looking for you, before we knew…before we knew where you were."

He didn’t say anything for a minute, just looked at her, as if he was thinking of something.

"I’m glad, that when I was gone, that you had such good friends, such a good sister, to look after you."

She bit her lip. She couldn’t tell him, that in those years, she’d all but lost contact with her friends, if not Dawn. Couldn’t tell him that she hadn’t let any of them help her. She didn’t think she’d deserved any more help, any more sacrifice, than they’d already given her for so long.

"I know. I am lucky. So very, very lucky. Good friends, good sister, good…you."

"A good what? What am I, Elizabeth? I’m not sure, feels like I haven’t ever been sure, so you have to be my memory; you have to fill me in. I know it’s a lot to ask, for you to…"

No, no! Not him again thinking he’s unworthy of her. The past comes up swiftly to knock the wind out of her, as it floods her with memories of not just their good times, which were too few, but of the bad. Her beating him down, with fists and words. The worst were the words. But he, William doesn’t know this, doesn’t share Spike’s memories, yet Spike shared William’s insecurities, his belief that he wasn’t worthy of love.

She shakes her head vehemently at him, "No! It’s not a lot to ask! It’s nothing; it’s the least of what you deserve," she says, taking his chin in her hand, forcing him to see inside her, "What you are is my heart, William. You’re…everything that’s good inside me, that’s what you are; my heart."

And then she’s in his arms, his mouth crashing in on hers, his tongue demanding entrance, as he pulls her on top of him. His hands are on her face, holding back her hair, touching her, pulling her mouth harder and harder to his, until they both need to come up for breath, to look at each other in wonder and lust, and to do it all over again and again. She grounds herself onto him, wishing she could either swallow him, or melt into his body, be totally one with him; protect him, lose herself.

After they’ve thrown off their own and each other’s clothing, the desperateness of the dance continues. He drowns in her body, buries himself in between her breasts, her legs, in her heat. Makes love to her more like Spike, faster, harder, more desperate, less tender than William. And she responds in kind, makes herself love him rougher than usual, meets his hard thrusts with her own, uses her slayer muscles to wow him in ways she hadn’t before. She’s falling and losing herself and she wants to stop, take a step back; not risk him in order to make herself feel, or hurt him in order to remember the other him, only wants to make him forget wanting to remember. But she’s lost in him, him in her, and they dance the dance of the desperate.

"Come back to me, Elizabeth," he murmurs after a while, pulling her down to a kiss, as she was gyrating on top him, her eyes glazed.

Buffy slowed her movements and looked into his eyes, saw the fleeting shadow of hurt in them.

She placed her hands on either sides of his face and kissed his lips, "I’m here, baby," she said, softly.

"Want to feel connected to you," he said, as he flipped them over, his eyes never leaving hers, "I want to see you loving me while I’m loving you."

"I’m right here with you," she said, as she watched him as he slowed his thrusts, looking into her face.

"Love making love to you as much as Shakespeare loved writing sonnets. That’s what you are, Elizabeth, you’re my sonnet. Love you so much, my sweet girl."

"Oh, God, William! Love you, love you!" she cried, as his eyes, his words took her over the top into sweet ecstasy, as her words tumble him into his, too.

He leaned down and kissed her once more, slow and sweet, before rolling off her and pulling her toward him. She curled up against his chest, listening to his heart beating, strong and sure. His feelings for her overwhelm her senses, they always did.

"I think that was cheating," she laughed softly.

"Not cheating, just loving you like you deserve," he replies, kissing the top of her head.

A few minutes later, he turns over and snuggles down, his head between her breasts. She runs her hands through his hair and soon hears his soft snore.

She wishes she could capture these days with him, bottle them, break them open in later days that will come, when she won’t be able to protect him from the truth. Wonders how his love for her will stand up then.

"If wishes were horses…"

"Hmm?" he mumbled.

"Nothing. Goodnight, William," she whispers and falls asleep too, wishing for flying horses.

END CHAPTER 71

Buffy was turned over away from William when she woke up. She felt him get up earlier and heard the rustling sound of a bag.

"Is it time to get up yet?" she asked, opening her eyes and seeing it was just starting to get light outside.

"Not yet. Go back to sleep for a while."

"Okay," she answered, dozing off.

She felt him get back in bed and felt his arm go around her, as he spooned up to her. Without opening her eyes, she felt for his hand to bring it closer, then feeling something funny, she opened her eyes.

The black, beady eyes of a pink pig stared back at her.

She turned around and smiled at William, "What's this?"

"It's a pig," he answered.

"I know it's a pig! And a very cute pig, too, where did it come from?"

"I bought it for you yesterday, while Dawn and I were at Toys R Us. Do you like it?" he asked, hopefully.

"It's adorable, I love it!" Buffy said, kissing him. "I used to have a stuffed pig..." she said, trailing off.

"Mr. Gordo, right?"

"Dawn told you?"

William nodded, "She thought this sort of looked like him."

Buffy took a closer look, "Yeah, it does at that, except Mr. Gordo didn't have this little tuft of white hair."

William cleared his throat, "I know. Dawn said that the hair there, reminded her of how I, rather Spike's hair used to be. She said it was like a combination of Mr. Gordo and Spike and that I should tell you his name is...Oh, bugger, I can't! Excuse my language."

She laughed, hearing the word, 'bugger,' come out of his mouth.

"No, you can't not tell me now," she said, laughing, "what's his name?"

"It was Dawn's idea," he said, miserably.

"Okay, that's fine, what's his name? I have to call him something, don't I?"

"You could just name him..."

"Yeah, I could, but he may have a perfectly fine name, and I want to know if I should keep it, or change it. Now spill, William," she said, tickling him, which made him laugh and try to get out of her reach.

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you."

"Okay then," she said, looking at him, expectantly, "well?"

"It's Mr. Spordo," he said, rolling his eyes, which made her think of Spike.

"Mr. Spordo?" she rolled over on her back and held the pig up in front of her. "Hello, Mr. Spordo, welcome to the wild and wacky family of William and Elizabeth!"

He smiled at her, her having just called them a 'family.'

"Thank you," she said seriously, "that was very, very sweet of you."

"You're welcome, I'm glad you..."

Just then Xander's voice came over the walkie-talkie, "Hey, Buffy! You guys up? It's 5:00am. Time for breakfast!"

William groaned and handed it to her.

"We're just getting up, Xander. Be there in about 10 minutes."

"Okay, Buffy. Over and out."

"Say over and out," she said to William.

He made a face at her.

"Say it!"

She held the button down. "Good morning, Xander, this is William. Over and out."

"There satisfied?" he asked.

She nodded, laughing.

They came into the house ten minutes later. Buffy didn't think Mary would be up yet, and she was right.

Alex ran to William and gave him a hug, as if he hadn't seen him in months, then he gave Buffy a hug, as well. Little Ann laughed when she saw William, as she was having her bottle.

"How's that ba-ba, Ann?" he asked her.

"W'um," she answered, smiling at him, waving her little hand.

"Hi pumpkin," Buffy said.

"Buh," she said, and smiled at her, too.

"The kids like you guys," Angela said, bringing in a huge platter of bacon and sausage.

Willow and Dawn were already at the table having coffee.

"Want me to help you?" Buffy asked.

"Nope, that was all of it."

Betty came in from the kitchen with a couple of other coffee cups and the pot, "You guys want coffee?"

They both nodded and she poured for them, "Better sit down and eat something."

William pulled out the chair for Elizabeth, before sitting down himself.

"Where do you think we'll end up today?" Willow asked Xander.

"I dunno, somewhere in Colorado," he said, stuffing some eggs into his mouth.

"Duh!" Dawn said.

"Oh, duh, yourself!" he answered her.

"Maybe as far as Durango, if we're lucky, but I think that's over 500 miles."

"Hmm, about 10 hours," Dawn said, adding up the time on her fingers, "we might make it by 5 or 6."

"Maybe, but we have to go through the mountains today, so it will probably be a lot slower going," he said.

"It's got a lot of horsepower, Xander," Edward said, coming into the dining room, "just switch over to overdrive, when you're start going up. You know where the overdrive is?"

"I think so."

"I'll show you after breakfast."

"Good," Xander said, relieved. He hadn't ever been totally in charge of an RV before, and now with Angela staying behind, he was a bit nervous.

Buffy insisted on helping Angela clean up after breakfast.

"I wanted to thank you for whatever you said to William last night," she said.

"Oh, thanks!" Angela said, then went on to explain what she'd told him.

Buffy listened, and was surprised to hear Angela talk about parapsychology. She guessed it was a cousin of the paranormal.

"Does Xander know about your interests in that?" she asked, innocently.

"Well, wouldn't really call it an interest anymore. Just for a time in my life...like when I used to spend summers here with grandma, she would tell me of some really strange things. I thought she might just be nutty, but she didn't really seem nutty, in the true sense of the word. I guess that's why I started looking into things," Angela paused. "I don't know all about Xander's past. Seems like he'd just like to forget about it. I mean he tells me things, but I know he leaves out things, plus the nightmares..."

"He has nightmares?" Buffy asked, gulping.

"Well, not so much anymore, but he did a lot when we were first married."

She turned to look at Buffy, "Guess I'm sort of like William in that regard, huh? Not really knowing what life in Sunnydale was really like?"

"Believe me, Angela, it's better that you don't. It was...hellish!" she said, with a small, tinny laugh.

"Yeah, I figured that much. Look, I love Xander with all my heart and I would never do anything to hurt him, that's why I don't push him to tell me about his past. It's also the reason I would never even bring up my interest in parapsychology, or anything related. So, I'm asking you, to please not repeat the conversation I had with William to Xander. It's for his wellbeing that I brought it up, and it's for Xander's wellbeing that I don't."

"Of course, I won't, Angela," Buffy said, giving her a little hug. "I think you're doing so fine with Xander and the kids. I've never seen him so happy!"

"Thanks, Buffy," Angela said, smiling.

"I wish..."

"What?"

"I wish that William wouldn't remember!" she said, before she could stop herself.

"You wish he wouldn't remember the past?" Angela asked, her eyes big.

Buffy nodded, "I know it's wrong to wish it, I just..."

"Oh, Buffy," Angela hugged her and all of a sudden, she felt herself crying in this almost stranger's arms.

"It's just...just...so many bad things happened there, and William is so innocent, I don't know how he'll...process it all."

"Buffy, look at me," Angela said, and pushed her away, holding her by the arms, "I've watched you guys for a few days now, and one thing I know is that you both love each other..."

Buffy shook her head, "Yeah, but love's not always enough," she said sadly and from experience.

Angela nodded, "I agree, but it's going to have to be, isn't it? It's your strongest suit, so use it to your advantage, Buffy. It's what you got, what you both have!"

"It's not that simple."

"No, I don't suppose the truth is simple, but love overcomes, Buffy, it does! You just have to believe that in the end, William will still love you as he does now, even when he either learns the truth or when his memory comes back. Love overcomes. It overcame a 5 year absence, it will overcome this, too."

Buffy looked at her, remembering all that Spike had overcome, all the pain, all the torment, his very nature, because of his love for her.

"Thank you, Angela, for reminding me."

Angela nodded, "You're welcome."

"Buffy? You ready?" Dawn called.

"That's me," Buffy said, weakly.

Angela handed her a paper towel for her eyes and smiled at her.

A few minutes later they were all outside in front of the RV. Edward had showed Xander how to put the RV into overdrive and showed Willow and Dawn a few things, too.

Angela and Buffy walked out, arm in arm.

William was waiting for them.

Angela held out her other arm and he took it and they all walked to the RV.

"Well, William, you look after Elizabeth here and don't worry about things. They'll all work themselves out!"

"I will," he said, grateful for her friendship, "and thank you for your kind words last night."

She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then gave Buffy one, too. She hugged them both.

"It was great meeting you guys!" she said.

"You, too. I'm so happy for you and Xander. Sometime...after we get settled in… you and Xander and the kids should come visit us. We can take you guys to Disneyworld, and the San Diego Zoo, all sorts of places," Buffy said.

"That would be great. Maybe in a couple of years, when Ann is older and will enjoy that stuff more..."

They all nodded.

Dawn and Willow were next to tell Angela goodbye.

Alex was crying as Xander held him.

"I don't want you to go without me, Daddy! I want to come, too!"

"I know you do, Alex, but I promise, I'll be back before you know it, then we'll stop and go to the top of The St. Louis Arch, like I said we would, ride the tram..."

"But I want to go with you now!" Alex cried. "Why can't I go?"

Xander looked helpless, then Ann, seeing her big brother crying, started, too.

"Alex," Angela said, cheerfully, "remember I told you we'd go over to the Johnson's and see their horsies today? They said they might have one that you could ride, if you were big enough!"

"I'm big enough!" he said, sniffling.

"Well, I don't know..."

"I'm big enough!" he stated, forcefully, and wiped his eyes on his pajama sleeve.

"Yeah, you probably are," she said, winking at Xander.

"Give me a kiss, Alex," Xander said.

Xander picked him up and Alex kissed and hugged him, "Love you, daddy!"

"Love you, too, Alex. You take care of your mommy and Ann for me, alright?"

"I will."

"Promise? Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart, hope not to die...won't stick a needle in my eye!" he said, laughing.

"That's my boy!" Xander said, beaming. "Alex, time to say goodbye to the others, too, now," he said, setting him down.

"Bye!" Alex said, and they all laughed.

"It was very nice meeting you," Dawn said, giving him a hug.

"Yes, it was, you're a nice boy and handsome just like your dad," Buffy added, making Xander blush.

"I'll see you again, I'm driving back with your dad," Willow said, and gave him a hug and a lollypop she had in her pocket.

Alex looked at William, who knelt down and held out his arms, Alex flew into them and hugged him tightly.

"Von, twooo, tdree," William said, softly.

"Four, five, six," Alex answered, laughing.

"I hope you’ll come visit Elizabeth and me sometime."

Alex nodded, solemnly, "I will."

"Good."

"William?"

"What Alex?"

"Will you send me a letter?"

"Sure I will. I'll have your daddy write down your address."

"Not that kind of letter, an email letter."

"Oh, sure," William said, laughing. "I can even do that, if Elizabeth will teach me," he looked over at her and she nodded.

"You don't know how?" Alex asked, amazed, "everybody knows how to do that!"

William just laughed, "For you, I'll learn, how's that?"

"Okay," he said, and gave William a kiss, then went back over to Xander.

"Well, that's it, then," Xander said, and kissed Angela goodbye.

"You drive carefully," she warned, "and you let Dawn and Willow have a turn, okay?"

"Okay, boss. I mean, Angela," he said, winking at her.

They all boarded the RV, and Xander started the engine. They waved as Xander's family watched, as they drove down the driveway and turned out onto the county road.

It was just the five of them now, and it seemed much quieter without the laughter of Angela and the children. Just the five of them, as they'd last been together before the end of the world as they knew it.

END CHAPTER 72

It was just a little past 7:00am, about an hour after they'd left the farmhouse, when Xander announced that would be entering Colorado in a few minutes.

They all looked out their windows to see the green Welcome to Colorado sign with the little white Rocky Mountains in the background, like the licenses, which had looked the same for years.

"Wow! Colorado!" said Dawn, followed by, "when do we see the mountains, Xander? I hear you can see them from pretty far off.

"I don't know, Dawnster," he said, using the endearing term that he used when she was much younger, "probably not until we're about an hour or hour and a half away from them."

"I think we'll see the foothills before that. My mom and dad used to talk about seeing them a couple of hundred miles away, I think," Willow added.

"But we're not heading toward the biggest part of them, we're heading sort of Southwest."

"Yeah, but before we get to Durango, we'll be in the San Juan Mountains and those are some big suckers, too. The Continental Divide is around there and that's something like 14,000 feet," Willow argued.

"Then we'll most definitely see mountains," Xander said, nodding his head, "but not for a while."

"We're going to be driving up to 14,000 feet?" William asked, suddenly not feeling so well.

"No, we'll be in the San Juan Mountains, but I don't think that the road we'll be travelling on is going to go up nearly so high at all. You have to get off the main road and onto a special one just to get to the top of the divide, from what I understand," Willow answered.

William breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh," Willow said, looking at the map.

"Oh, what?"

"We will going up to about 10,000 feet though," she said, smiling apologetically at William.

He gulped.

"It's not so bad, William," Xander called from the front cab, "you don't need any special oxygen masks or anything."

Dawn smacked him, and he laughed.

"I've just never been up in mountains before, at least not very tall ones," he said remembering travelling through very small ones by train with his mother and brother. Not even sure they'd qualify as mountains, when he thought of it, now.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I don't think many people, except those who live in Colorado, have ever been in such high mountains, William. I haven't." Buffy said.

"Ten-thousand feet," William repeated, shaking his head.

"I think it will be fun," Buffy said, "and very picture worthy!"

"Hey Buffy, I bet they'll be snow!" Dawn called.

"Yeah, snow! That's right!" Buffy said, smiling.

"Snow? They'll be snow?" William asked.

"Sure," Xander said from the front, "up that high there's snow all year round."

Buffy took William's hand and smiled at him. He smiled back, seeing her face all lit up and excited. Guess he'd deal with it, as long as she was there with him.

"Xander, need a break?" Willow called.

"Nope, doing just fine so far. Maybe in another couple of hours or so."

"When ever you say, Xander. Though we all could take breaks every hour or so, between you, Dawn, and me."

"I know, but I don't mind driving. I'm just so grateful that I can still do it..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, glad you can, too," Dawn said, patting his hand.

William looked at Buffy and pointed to his eye questioningly, and she nodded.

Dawn came back from the front.

"Anyone want to take my place?" she asked.

"I will, unless anybody else wants to," Buffy said, looking at William and then Willow. They shook their heads.

"Okay, then," she said, and gave William a kiss, then went up to join Xander.

"Hey Xand."

"Hey, Buff."

They chatted about little things for a while, about Colorado, about New Jersey, and his job, about hers.

"I really like Angela," Buffy said.

"I'm glad, so do I."

"You'd better!"

He laughed.

"I'm sorry we haven't talked in so long, Buffy."

"I know, me, too. I thought about you a lot. About all of you. I think we just needed to try to live our own lives, to see if we could. At least I did. I never even knew what it felt like to live a 'normal life,' free from slaying every night," she whispered the last part.

"Yeah," Xander said, adding, "and then there was the loss..."

Buffy felt her stomach knot at the memories that brought back.

"Do you miss her?" she asked softly.

"Anya?"

"Yeah."

"Sometimes. No, I mean, I guess it's like I always will, in some ways, but I love Angela so much...it's hard to understand how you can love different people in different ways. Sometimes it seems like disloyalty," he said, shrugging.

"It's not. Not really. I guess different people just claim different parts of your heart, but that doesn't mean that you're disloyal."

"I guess not. Still, I try not to dwell too much on the past," Xander said, "besides, with kids, they keep you pretty well tied to the present."

"Yeah, guess they tend to do that, they're so...immediate."

Xander laughed, "Yeah, that's a great word for it, Buffy, immediate! They live in the present, want their demands met in the now. They don't know what it means to wait, don't understand time..."

They rode along in silence for a while.

"You missed him, didn't you?"

"Who?"

"Spike."

"Yes, every day. It got better, though. At least that's what I told myself. Some days I even forgot that the house I was living in had been his, forgot that the reason I was going on with my life; my 'normal life' was because of him. But yeah, I did miss him, Xander. Terribly."

"You still do, don't you?"

"What do you mean?"

Xander lowered his voice, "What I mean, is that William isn't exactly Spike."

"No, I...it's hard to explain. I mean, I already met William before, just not so much. It's not that I miss him, so much, that I miss him remembering our history together."

"Even the bad stuff?"

"Yeah, I guess, even the bad stuff. I don't know. It's weird thinking about missing Spike, when the man he was is sitting right back there," she said, motioning with her head, "speaking of disloyal..."

"Or schizophrenic?"

"Yeah, or schizophrenic," Buffy agreed, "that's the way it feels sometimes, like I have schizo feelings about him - William and Spike. Spike was also William, but William is...I look for Spike in him, sometimes. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah, think we all do, to a degree. You probably just do it more, since you're...closer to him."

"It's not just in 'that way,' not at all. I just look at the way he says things and the way he cocks his head, the way he looks at things..."

"And?"

"And? It's a mixed bag. I mean, he doesn't talk like Spike very much at all. But yesterday, he said, 'Oh bugger!' and it made me feel...almost joyful, to hear that come out of 'his' mouth. Of course, he apologized for his language, then," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"Definitely not a Spike thing," Xander said, laughing.

"Most definitely not. And I try not to swear in front of him either. I try to be...more lady-like. Big joke, huh?"

"Why? You're a lady! It's not like you swore like a truck driver or something."

"No, I just killed things. Not very lady-like in my book," she shook her head.

"Bad things. You killed bad things, Buffy. Remember that."

She didn't say anything.

"You don't think he'd understand, do you?"

"Would Angela?"

"I...I don't know. I used to think that she was totally innocent of all that, but sometimes I get the feeling that she knows more about stuff than she lets on. I don't know. Might just be my imagination. If she does know things, then she's not letting on. For my sake, I suppose."

"I used to have dreams, I know I did, because she would wake me up from them. When I asked her if I said anything, she would tell me that I said nonsensical things, but I know that the dreams were all hell-mouthy, so who knows what I said."

"So, you think William would understand about slayers and all that?"

He thought for a few minutes.

"Look Buffy, aside from the fact that William is from a different time, he's no different that Willow, I, Cordelia, or Oz, were before we knew you and learned about all this stuff. Or even your mom," Xander flinched after he mentioned Joyce, "sorry about that, Buffy. I just mean, we all adapted to a 'new reality,' is all."

"Yeah, I suppose, but William's reality is a bit more than just learning about what I was, and about monsters. It's about learning all about the role he played in all this."

"Well, you can always tell him that it's because of him that any of us have what we do. That's not a bad legacy after all."

"No, not too bad. I just don't know...William has this worldview that is so...provincial? Is that the right word?"

"Don't know. Never went to college. Does that mean close-minded?"

"I don't think so, just narrow, or even the usual, perhaps. Like 1 + 1 = 2, something like that."

"Well, we all did, at one time. Actually, I'm sort of glad, for the most part to believe in the 1+1=2 way of things most the time," Xander said, "lot's to be said for knowing what side is up, being able to trust in the way of the world...crap...I'm not helping, am I?"

"Not so much," Buffy laughed. "That's what I'm talking about, though. I...hate to think of the time, when that will be taken away from him."

"On the other hand, it will also explain a lot to him."

"Like what?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No, what?"

"Hello! World to Buffy! Explain like why he's over 100 years old, but looks like he's in his 20's. Explain why he has no memory of the past 100 years and only remembers the 1800's, instead of the 1900's, the new century. Duh!"

"Oh, that, well, now that you explain it that way."

"All easy now right?"

"Yeah, right!"

"Explains something else, too."

"What's that?"

"Why he loves you so much."

Buffy smiled, touched by his sincerity.

"Xander?"

"What, Buffy?"

"If he...if William suddenly remembered being Spike, would you...?"

"Go back to hating him?"

She sort of shrugged.

"Nah, I'm over it! Long as he treats you well, I've no problem. But can't say that I wouldn't love to tease him again. Used to really get a rise from him..." Xander said, dreamily.

"Ouch!" he cried, when Buffy elbowed him.

Xander was quiet for a while, then asked, "Didn't you say that Spike left you the house and that he actually was well off? Enough to leave money to both you and Dawn?"

Buffy nodded, wondering where this was leading. She didn't have to wonder long.

"Then why the hell was he always bumming money from me? Stealing my money, too, I might add."

Buffy looked at Xander, her mouth open, then broke into a smile, "Evil. Vampire, you know," she whispered, barely able to contain her laughter.

Xander just nodded, "Well, tell you this, Buffy, if William ever gets Spike's memories back, I'm going to remind him of every dollar, nickle, dime, and penny he ever mooched off of me and he's going to repay me! With interest! Compound interest! Hmm...that'll be pretty sweet! Ten years of interest..."

"Oh, God, stop," Buffy said, doubled up with laughter she was trying desperately to suppress.

"That uncanny bastard!" Xander said, "all those years..."

END CHAPTER 73

William had been the last of them to take a turn sitting up front, before they stopped. About 50 miles back, he'd suddenly asked, "What's that?" he pointed off in the distance, at vague, white shapes in the distance.

"That might be Pike's Peak," Xander said.

"Really?" William asked. Willow had showed him some pictures of the Rockies, including some of the recognizable peaks.

"Yeah, I think so. Why don't you go tell the others?"

William walked back to the main area, "Come see," he said, and took Elizabeth's hand, and motioned to the others, too.

They all walked up to the front.

"Is that the mountains?" Dawn asked, excitedly.

Xander thinks it's Pike's Peak," William said.

Willow quickly typed in Pike's Peak into her laptop and came up with a picture, "I think you're right!" she said, showing the image all around.

William stood watching as Elizabeth's face took on a look of awe. He didn't care about the mountains, but she was a vision he was sure that he'd never tire of. He put his arms around her as they leaned over to see out the front window.

Seeing the Rockies for the first time with William, just made it all the sweeter, his arms securely around her. She sighed, happy for these moments, for his closeness. Her arms went over his and she squeezed him back. He gently kissed the top of her head, in response

Now that they'd spotted the peaks, they couldn't take their eyes off of them, as they appeared to grow a little larger with each mile.

"What are those," Dawn asked, pointing to a different set of mountains in the distance to their Southwest.

"That would be where we’re heading," Willow said.

"San Juan Mountains?"

"Yep, that be them!"

Xander had been driving for about 3 hours, when he finally stopped for gas and a break at Rocky Ford. They all got out to stretch their legs and take a look at the little town.

Willow had looked it up before they got there and told them it was the ‘melon capital of the U.S.’

"Where’s the melons?" Buffy asked, stretching.

"Growing in fields, I suppose," Xander said.

"I was looking forward to streets paved with melons," she quipped back, "cantaloupe, honeydew, watermelon…"

"What about muskmelon?" Willow added.

"Muskmelon?" William said, making a face.

"Sure, a hybrid between a musk ox and a melon," Dawn said, teasing.

He made a funny face, which made her laugh.

"Oh, also, this was a big train hub back in the late 1800’s. People were being offered cheap homesteads in order to settle the west, and this one of the main hubs. There were something like 2,500,000 acres of farmable land just waiting to be settled in the mid 1870’s. Know what it cost back then?"

"Nope," Xander said, "but I’m sure you’re gonna tell us."

"Yep, sure am. $2 to $9 an acre."

William nodded. Hadn’t his brother bought land back then in Julian? Goldrush land? Wait…he couldn’t have had a brother back then! He shook his head at the pervasive, false memory his brain insisted on serving up to his consciousness.

"Oh, and the train took 28 hours to go about 500 miles, almost 3 times longer than it does us." Willow added.

"Our resident historian," Dawn said, motioning to Willow.

"I just like to know about the places we’re passing through."

"No, it’s totally interesting, I’m glad you are doing it," Dawn said.

"So, where are we going to end up tonight?" Buffy asked.

"Hopefully, a bit past Durango. It’s still about…" Xander turned to Willow.

"Um, about 330 miles, if we make it to around Cortez or Mancos. Mancos is a few miles closer and that’s where they’re holding our camping reservation."

"When did you make reservations?" Buffy asked.

"This morning, over the Internet," Willow answered.

"Of course," she said, rolling her eyes, "should’ve known."

"And if we don’t make it that far?"

"Secondary reservations at South Fork, way up in the mountains. But hey, still time to cancel."

"Very efficient of you, Will," Xander said.

She smiled.

"You going to drive?" Xander asked Dawn.

"Yep, I’m all drive wanting," she answered.

William shook his head.

Xander patted him on the back, "Don’t worry there, William, sooner or later, you’ll understand all the Sunnydale-speak that we still use when we’re around each other."

"I’m not so sure."

"Well, if I recall, you came with quite a few colorful expressions of your own that you added to the mix, ‘sodding, bleeding, bloody, bugger, ponce, git, Nancy-boy, bollocks, pillock,’ what’s some other guys?"

William looked at him like he’d grown three heads, "I did no such thing!" he said, turning red, from both fear that as, Spike he actually may have, but at Xander’s insensitivity to the fact that women were around.

"Oh, yes you did," Xander said, smiling.

"I wouldn’t have!" William said, stepping away from him.

"Xander!" Buffy said, giving him a look that shut him up.

"Jesus, I’m sorry," Xander said, realizing how seriously William had taken this little joking exchange of his.

"Don’t worry about it, William," Buffy said, coming up to him.

He just shook his head and walked away.

Dawn held her hand up to Buffy and went after him.

William was leaning against the other side of the RV, looking down at the ground when Dawn found him.

"William."

"Dawn," he said, "you here to tell me it’s alright."

"Yeah, afraid I am."

He looked at her and laughed a little, "At least you’re honest!"

"That’s me. Spike was, too. That’s why we got along. There was a time when nobody but you told me the truth, or didn’t speak to me like I was some dumb kid. Sheesh, William, they’re just words, they’re just…colorful, like Xander said.

"Git," he mumbled, under his breath.

"What’s that?"

"Nevermind. It’s just that it seems rather…shocking to me. I wasn’t raised to speak that way, especially not in mixed company," he said, blushing again.

"That’s really sweet of you. But it is 2008; guess we women just don’t get all freaked out and faint-y when we hear swear words anymore. That’s a good thing."

"I suppose, but it seems…disrespectful. And crude, I might add. S’ppose I should be used to it by now; been hearing it all along. On the beach, at Wal-Mart, in the mall. Young boys and girls using words that would make a grown man…you get my point."

"Well, you don’t have to do it anymore if you don’t care to, but even when you did, I don’t think you did it because you were disrespectful, it was just to make a point."

"A crude, but colorful point," he sighed, but his eyes were smiling at her.

"Exactly."

Dawn paused, "So, are you bloody well done pouting now?"

He looked at her shocked, then burst out laughing. He nodded, "I guess I bloody well am," he said, smiling at her.

"But, not pouting, mulling over, there’s a difference," he said, as they walked back toward the others.

"Tomatoes, tahmatoes."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"You okay?" Buffy asked, smiling with relief when she saw him and Dawn joking around.

"He’s bloody fine," Dawn said, "right, William?"

"Yeah, what she said," he smiled at Dawn, winking, almost smirking.

She wagged her finger at him, then went into the RV.

Dawn took over driving, while Buffy fixed them all lunch. William decided to sit up in the front with Dawn for a while. Buffy was both relieved that they were getting along so well, but she was almost jealous at the easy way Dawn could relate to him. She always was good at taking Spike just the way he was, without worrying about the bigger issues, and it seemed, she was the same way with William, which, if Buffy admitted, was something that William needed, that she couldn’t give him.

Xander had apologized to Buffy numerous times, while they had lunch. She assured him it really wasn’t such a big deal. William was shocked, but he obviously, got over it, thanks to Dawn. So he used to swear like a…well, like a pissed off vampire most the time, and now he knew the truth about that. Well, except for the vampire part. Maybe she could relax and not worry so much if she let a choice word come out of her mouth once in a while now.

Nah. Still got to watch it, unless William started swearing like Spike, but that would be unlikely. Would she even want that? That he talk more like Spike? Somehow she couldn’t imagine William talking the way Spike used to. Asking herself to consider it seemed…well, there was that word again, schizophrenic!

"I like, no, make that love William for who he is," she said to herself, "if I want him to be more like Spike, then I’m wishing that he be who he isn’t. Right?" she shook her head, mumbling.

"Hey, Buffy, how’s it going?" Willow asked, coming up to her in the little kitchen area.

"Fine, just fine," she answered, then sighed, "just having my usual William/Spike dichotomy debates with myself."

"I see. Who’s winning?" Willow asked, surprised and pleased by Buffy’s use of the word dichotomy. She kept reminding herself that Buffy was now a college graduate, too.

"Neither. Both. I don’t know," she said, shrugging.

"Kinda hard sometimes, huh?"

"Sort of always in a way, but then the alternative is a lot worse," she said, "he’s here, that’s really something, isn’t it?"

"A big something," Willow said, nodding.

"Yeah," Buffy said smiling.

They stopped so that Willow could take over driving an hour later. Xander was up from his nap and joined her in the front. Dawn started watching a soap opera, but had dozed off.

William had sat down next to Elizabeth after they had changed drivers, but hadn’t said much, other than small talk, which she had attempted to make with him.

Buffy looked over at him from the corner of her eye. He looked like he was falling asleep, too. Quietly, she got up and went up to the front.

"Hey, guys," she said to Willow and Xander.

"Hey yourself," Xander said.

They talked for a few minutes about where they would camp and about visiting the Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings.

"You mention it to William and Dawn?"

"Yeah, William was pretty fascinated by the whole Indian thing, and I think Dawn liked the idea, too."

"So, are we going to stop for the day there, then?"

"I’m trying to decide that Buffy. There’s a lot to do around that area. Besides the ruins, we can go into Durango, visit some other places. Guess I’m just excited being in Colorado," Xander said. "I always wanted to visit the see the Old West."

"I didn’t know that?" Buffy said.

"I did," Willow said, smiling, "it’s all he ever wanted to play as a little kid, cowboys and Indians."

"Yeah, guess I should’ve been playing pirates, instead. Either that, or I should have been on a horse fighting the Bringers."

Buffy took a quick look at William, who was still napping.

"Sorry," Xander whispered. "Anyway, I have to talk to Angela about it. She probably won’t mind. I wish she were along, too. Unfortunately, when I get back to Kansas, we’re heading the opposite direction, so I don’t know when I’ll have the chance to see this or to do something fun with you guys. Think of it…us having fun."

"Yeah, guess fun was a pretty rare commodity those past couple of years, especially the last year…"

Xander and Willow nodded.

"Sorry to change the subject, but Willow, could I borrow your laptop?"

"Sure, it’s beside the couch."

"Thanks, Willow."

Buffy picked up Willow’s laptop and her purse and went into the bedroom, locking the door behind her.

She booted up the computer, and took her cell phone out of her purse, then connected them.

Checking her email, she saw she had an email from Andrew, who was wondering if she’d found Spike, and from her school, telling her that she had a meeting at the end of next week. And reality collides with her life!

She went to her AOL page, and typed in Clem’s IM name. He wasn’t online.

"Crap," she said. It would have been so much easier than typing him a letter or calling him. Sighing, she picked up her phone and called him, trying to remember if he worked Saturdays or not. It had rung about a dozen times and she was just about to give up, when he finally picked up.

"Howdy-doody!" said the familiar voice.

"Hi, Clem."

"Buffy? That you girl? I just ran inside when I heard the phone, I was out back, weeding. Where are you? You’re not home are you? When you getting back?"

"Yeah, it’s me. I’m in Colorado and we’re on our way home. Probably in about 3 days or so."

"That’s great that you guys are on your way home," he stopped and scratched his ear." You did say ‘we’re’ on our way home, didn’t you? Whose we’re?" he asked.

"That’s what I called to tell you, only I need you to go online and let me IM you."

"Why?"

"Because I don’t want to be heard," she said quietly.

"Why, are you in trouble or something?"

"No, Clem! I promise; it’s nothing like that. Do you have the time for some IM’ing right now?"

"Sure, give me a couple of minutes to get online, then we’ll talk, right?"

"Yeah, we’ll talk."

"Good, I miss talking to you."

"Me, too. Okay, see you online in a minute. Oh, wait, did you change your name like you were going to?"

"You’ll see, I’ll IM you!"

"Okay, see ya!"

A few minutes later she was online when her IM came up:

LSD: it’s me, Clem!

EAW: so what’s with the LSD?

LSD: well, you know how I used to be FED, for floppy eared demon? Thought I’d go with LSD instead.

EAW: which stands for?

LSD: loose skinned demon.

EAW: ROTFLMAO

LSD: kinda edgier, don’t you think?

EAW: oh yeah! Sound like the BIG BAD now. A BIG BAD DRUGGIE!

LSD: he-he

EAW: I have something very, very, very important to tell you. You sitting?

LSD: of course, what is it?

EAW: remember that I told you I had a surprise?

LSD: yes, what is it?

EAW: it’s a long story that I don’t have time to tell you all of it…but it’s about Spike.

LSD: what about Spike?

EAW: He’s alive, Clem! He’s with me right now and we’re coming home!

LSD: Buffy, girl, this is Clem you’re talking to. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you. It’ll be alright, I promise.

EAW: No, really Clem, he’s with me. I’m in a RV being driven right now by Willow. Xander is here and so is Dawn, and so is Spike. He really is alive!

LSD: he can’t be Buffy, he burned up. I think you you’ve been given some bad drugs or something, or someone has done a spell. I can help you.

EAW: I don’t need that kind of help! He’s alive! There was a prophecy about a vampire that would face trials, apocalypses, coming back alive. The prophecy was tied to the amulet. They dug it up in Sunnydale.

LSD: who dug it up?

EAW: an archaeology class, but the professor in charge took it to Chicago, then he got murdered. Then William came back and they thought he was crazy when they found him in the museum. Andrew found an article about a man at a museum and Willow tracked him. Well, sort of. Spike was in the mental ward and Angel was after him, because it was him that was supposed to come back human. Willow, Dawn, and I got him out of the hospital about 3 weeks ago, then we were staying in Michigan at a cabin. Now we’re on our way home.

LSD: You’re not kidding me? Spike’s really alive? Did you say HUMAN?

EAW: YES! He’s alive and HUMAN.

LSD: Oh my God, Buffy! That’s wonderful. Really? By the way, who’s William?

EAW: This is the reason I had to tell you about our coming home now…and sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, just so many things were going on… WILLIAM is the man Spike was, before he got turned by Drusilla. And that’s the thing. He came back human, but as he had been, before he got turned. So, he still thought it was around 1880 and he didn’t and still doesn’t remember anything that Spike knew at all, as in how things work in this century, or the last one, but he’s learning.

LSD: HOLY COW! He really doesn’t remember ANYTHING?

EAW: No, nothing! William believes, as his doctor (a good one, that is) in the hospital, that he JUST has a severe case of memory loss.

LSD: not even you?

EAW: not even me what? Oh…No, he didn’t remember me, either.

LSD: but you’re together? Now? Right?

EAW: yes, we’re together, and remarkably, he seems to love me, too. Like Spike did.

LSD: then I’m so happy for you. For both of you! I can hardly wait to see him!!!!

EAW: That’s the other thing I REALLY, REALLY need to tell you. Spike, I mean William doesn’t know anything about the demon world. Not one thing. He doesn’t remember being a vampire, doesn’t believe in demons, or have any idea of their existence know that I have to tell him someday, but for now…he was just so fragile when I found him…and I nearly lost him when Angel’s henchmen were after him…I just can’t tell him right now.

LSD: What you’re telling me is that I have to lay low? Not let myself be seen by Spike?

EAW: Not exactly. He knows about you, as Clem his friend, not as Clem the demon, though. Could you…I know this is asking so much…and I know it’s not easy on you, either…but could you, for a while, when you come over to see him, could you use your human face for a while?

LSD: sure, I can do that. I already thought about that. I just thought, maybe you didn’t want me to ever see him again or wanted me to move…

EAW: of course not, silly! You’re his friend. He’s, I mean William is eager to meet you. In fact, when I called you about emailing the pictures of the house, he asked what you had said about finding out about him (about him being ‘found’ after 5 years) and I had to tell him that I hadn’t told you yet. He was disappointed.

LSD: That makes me happy to hear. Are you going to tell him now?

EAW: Yes, I’ll tell him that I told you. About us coming home, that is.

LSD: Will you tell him that I’m glad he’s coming home?

EAW: I will.

LSD: I’m glad you didn’t tell me a couple of weeks ago, I would have been driving myself crazy until you got home.

EAW: I know. I’ll let you know the morning of the day we’re supposed to be home.

LSD: that would be good. I’ll do some grocery shopping for you that day and bring over some food. How’s that sound?

EAW: it sounds like you’re such a good friend that I could cry!

LSD: thanks, me, too. Oh, don’t worry, I won’t come by that night or anything. Let you guys settle in.

EAW: you can come by and say hello

LSD: I’ll see. But I’ll leave food.

EAW: thank you so much, Clem!

LSD: I can’t believe that Spike’s alive. He only goes by William?

EAW: yeah, William knows he used to be called Spike, but don’t think he cares much for the name, or the bits and pieces he’s finding out about Spike. Like his penchant for swearing.

LSD: William doesn’t swear?

EAW: not really, no.

LSD: yikes.

EAW: well, he’s acting like a properly raised gent of the 1880’s.

LSD: he-he-he that’s different!

EAW: you’re not kidding, and it’s not like I swore that much, but now I really find myself watching it – well, probably better that way, so I don’t slip up in front of the kids, which I always worried about. I’ve gotta go, I’ll call soon, okay?

LSD: okay, Buffy. Tell Spike, I mean William that I’m glad he’s coming home and I’ll talk to you in a couple of days. Just leave a voice mail if I’m not home. I’ll be checking every day until you guys are home.

EAW: Thanks Clem! Bye.

LSD: Bye, Buffy.

END CHAPTER 74

Buffy disconnected her cell phone from the laptop, then turned both of them off.

They would be home in a couple of days. Home. She couldn’t even imagine how that would seem to be coming back to her house, his house, with him after all this time.

She got up and opened the door and looked out at him, still napping on the couch, across from Dawn, who was doing the same on one of the chairs. Her heart warmed by the scene, she walked over to where William was and leaned over and kissed him.

He responded, half-asleep, kissing her back.

Still kissing her, he pulled her down onto the couch and stretched out, so that they were now lying down. Buffy sighed, loving the way he felt, all warmed by sleep. Warm, human, hers, William.

Dawn opened her eyes sleepily and stretched, then smiled, watching William and Buffy making out. She so needed to get back to her own life!

"Hey why don't you guys get a room?" she teased. "Oh wait, you already have one!"

"Are they at it again?" Willow asked, from up front.

"Of course, and let me just add GET A ROOM!" she said, again to Buffy and William, who had already righted themselves and were now sitting up.

Buffy gave her a dirty look and Dawn just smirked, sticking out her tongue.

"Okay, I'm leaving now," Dawn said, getting up to go join Willow and Xander up front, "when I come back, my eyes better not see any such things," she warned.

"You mean your virgin eyes, don't you Dawn?" Buffy asked sweetly.

"Um-hmm, that's what I mean," she looked back and gave her sister the cheesiest smile she could muster on short notice, "going to go hide my 'virgin' eyes now!"

Buffy giggled, and William, entranced by the sound, and with his jeans still quite uncomfortable, grabbed her hand and led her to the back.

They collapsed against the door, laughing. She pushed him to the edge of the bed and sat on him, straddling his hips. One hand slid around her back, both steadying her and pulling her in tight, while the other went up under her shirt, until it found her breast. Her hands ran over his face and through his hair as she kissed him.

"Oh, Elizabeth, you don't know what you do to me!"

"I've a pretty good idea," she said, smiling suggestively at him.

"No, it's not just that, it's...how you are, your passion, your fire, even when we're not doing this, it's always there, I always sense it, from the very first day I met you I knew it was there and it warmed me. You warm me."

She looked at him and her eyes grew moist; William this sensitive poet, this beautiful man, once again wearing his heart so very much on his sleeve. "How do you do that? Make love to me with your words? Always. Even when we're not? I don't...I've never had words like you do...I wish I did. Wish I could tell you so eloquently, like you tell me..."

"Shhh, it's okay, Elizabeth, I have enough words for both of us, don't I?" he smiled, kissing her.

"Thank God for that," she said, laughing, "oh, and you know we really shouldn’t do this right now, don't you?"

He made a face and groaned, "Then I take it all back!"

Buffy shook her head, "No, won't let you. I love your words, love your heart, love you!" she kissed him again, as she ground down on his lap and he rocked her back and forth, trying to increase the friction between them, through their clothes.

"Stop, stop," she said, a couple of minutes later, gasping, her legs quivering.

He groaned again, but stopped moving, as they both sat there, holding onto each other, catching their breath.

"Elizabeth?" he asked, into her hair.

"Hmm?"

"Did I really used to swear like that? Use all those words?"

She broke off the hug to sit up and look at him, "Um-hmm," she answered, smiling a little.

"In front of you, even?" he asked, looking into her eyes; looking to her to give him the truth.

"Yes," she answered, and put her hand on his face, stroking it softly, hoping this action would soothe his mind, which she could sense, was in turmoil.

It wasn’t to be.

He shook his head. He already knew that was the answer he was going to receive. What he didn’t understand, is how he could have been the kind of man who would have talked like that, in front of a woman.

"I’m sorry," he said, looking down.

"William, don’t apologize, please. There really is no need. I’m not some delicate flower who has never heard a bad word."

He looked up; "Why I don’t think you’re a delicate flower at all, Elizabeth!"

"Gee, thanks," she said, half-teasing.

"That’s not what I mean. You’re a beautiful one, but not delicate. You’re strong, otherwise, how could you have withstood all that you must have gone through? After you lost your home in Sunnydale? When you lost friends that you loved, When you lost…"he looked up at her.

"You?"

He nodded.

"And found me, saved me. All that speaks of your strength, not your delicateness. Nor is it that I would presume that you never heard a bad word, it’s just that I can’t understand how I would have been the one to utter them in front of you!"

"Oh, William," Buffy said, both touched and a bit annoyed, "don’t apologize for that. There’s really nothing to apologize for. You don’t know me anymore, I mean, you don’t remember how things were, who I was, and…"

"It doesn’t matter. I don’t even know who I was, quite obviously. But it’s a matter of respect. I was brought up to respect women. All women. And swearing in front of them, in front of you would be, rather was, disrespectful. That’s what I’m sorry for."

"William," she said, shaking her head. Why did he always have to make things so hard? "I’m just saying you shouldn’t put me on a pedestal, I’m not pedestal-girl! Never have been, never will be. If you put me up on one, I’ll only fall…only disappoint you…"

He grabbed her tightly, "Never! You could never disappoint me, Elizabeth," he said, his voice pained, "but I won’t do that, alright?" he agreed, relaxing his grip, "I promise not to put you up on a pedestal. I don’t have to, you see, I love you just the way you are, I see how you are, I see who you are!"

"Through rose-colored glasses?"

"Don’t think I got the tint," he said, smiling, remembering the options at the eyeglass store.

"You don’t know me!" she said suddenly, getting up off his lap. She paced the small area in front of him, "You don’t know the things I’ve done…if you did, you wouldn’t…"

He jumped up after her, grabbing her in mid-pace, "No, I don’t, and what I’m getting in bits and pieces, is that I was pretty different from the way I am now, too; wasn’t I? Wasn’t I?" he repeated angrily.

"Yes!" she shot back at him.

"I don’t care! I don’t care who you were or who I was. I don’t!" he released her and dropped to his knees, and put his arms around her legs, "I just want to be able to love you now, Elizabeth," he said, looking up at her, his blue eyes imploring her, "that’s all I want…and to be worthy of yours."

Her anger left her as soon as it had appeared. She dropped down to her knees, too, and put her arms around him, "Don’t you ever think you’re not worthy, William! You are, you are," she said, softly.

Suddenly, Buffy burst out laughing.

William looked at her shocked.

Putting on her best, or worst, depending on how you looked at it, English accent, from years of having Spike in her head, she said, "We’re a ‘right bloody,’ pair, aren’t we?"

A small smile started at the corner of his mouth crinkled the corner of his eyes, then got bigger and bigger, until his whole face was one big smile. He couldn’t help himself, he howled with laughter.

He grabbed her hand, and bringing it to his mouth, kissed her palm, "You see? How could I not love you?"

She shook her head at the absurdity of it all. The live-theater aspect that their warring emotions of fear, love, and lust so frequently threw them into.

"Let’s go join the others," she suggested, breathing out a sigh of relief, glad this latest ‘spike’ in their relationship was quickly resolved. For now, at least.

Dawn was about to say something to Buffy and William, to tease them about their latest tryst, until she saw their faces. She glanced down and noticed their hands were clasped together, rather solemnly. She wasn’t quite sure what the look in Buffy’s eyes was about, but it definitely wasn’t the usual post-coital glow she was used to seeing in her sister’s face these past weeks.

Xander started to say something, guessing that now he, too, could join in on the good-natured ribbing that Dawn and Willow had done, but Dawn quickly put her hand on Xander’s arm and silently shook her head.

"What’s up guys?" Buffy asked, walking up front with William.

"We were, rather Xander and Dawn were just looking at the Mesa Verde website."

They crowded around Xander and Dawn, looking at the different trails and cliff dwelling ruins there were to see at the park.

Buffy was happy to see William really excited about tomorrow. For her, learning that it was something he had been aware of, back then, she supposed, when the west was still being settled, was a unique perspective on both the west and on William.

"All the trails look fairly rugged, from what I remember seeing earlier," Willow said, glancing over. "Xander, how long is this?"

"About 35 feet, why?"

"Crap, that means we can’t drive up to some of the sites then, unless there’s some sort of transportation to some of the trail heads."

"Can’t we walk?" Dawn asked.

"Not unless you want to walk 12 miles into the park," Willow answered, "though some of the smaller ruins are closer by."

"Nope, nevermind!"

They discussed which trails they wanted to take and which ruins they most wanted to see for about 15 minutes, but it kept coming back to not being able to get up to the more spectacular ones.

"Willow, why don’t we call the National Park and ask them about transportation. Maybe they have a shuttle or something."

"I’ll call," Dawn said, going back to get her phone. A few minutes later they had their answer."

"Damn!" Dawn said, hanging up.

"Why don’t we just rent a car?" Buffy asked.

"What? Why? We have this!" Xander said.

"Yeah, but the roads are too narrow to drive this up to some of the ruins. We’re camping in the park tonight, right?"

Willow nodded, "If we get there in time."

"So, why don’t we rent a car on the way, from the nearest town? Then tomorrow evening or afternoon, we can just return it. It’s not that expensive, right?"

William had never heard of ‘renting’ a car before, but he looked at Elizabeth proudly. So did Dawn.

"I think that’s a great idea," Willow said, "we’ll rent a car, then whoever drives it, will follow the RV to the campground."

"Guys, I think I’m having another brilliant idea," Buffy said, smiling.

"What’s that Buffy?" Xander asked.

"One word: shoes!"

END CHAPTER 75

CONT. CH. 76 - 80

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